another insecurity..

hai, haven't updated this blog for long time.. actually it's going to be a year this month.. hahaha.. forgive my laziness..
anyway, semalem ngegalau (lagi).. the same issue over and over again.. but still I keep questioning.. does this worth? do I still need to try my best? is this the one?
sejujurnya makin lama gw makin gak yakin dengan apa yg gw jalanin saat ini.. it's been years I know.. but somehow at some point I feel that this is getting worst.. do I do the right choice by keeping this? I'm not sure for what I really want.. I'm not sure what I want from him.. yet somehow I feel lost and yesterday I died a little inside..
is it normal to feel this way in the relationship? it's almost been 5 years but I'm getting lost here.. I'm not sure anymore that this will last forever.. I'm sorry but I just try to be honest.. I don't feel the security that I thought I should..
do you have any respect for me? are you really sure for this relationship? I'm old-fashioned girl.. I still think that you as a man should show me that you're sure about this.. I don't know whether you really see your future with me or not because you don't show it until now.. you said it but no action to prove it.. am I mistaken about this?
I'm tired about this insecurity.. it's been years.. it's been too long.. I wanna move on but I'm still not sure.. please help me.. just tell me the truth.. what you really feel.. what you really want.. I'm not able to figure it myself..